Lack Power, Gain Faith : )

Today was my first time ever shooting a real gun! : )
And going shooting today made me realize something:
I loved the power I held in my hands today, yet I know I really shouldn't have that power because I don't completely understand how to use it and what kind of damage I'm capable of doing with it.
Though, that's not just with a gun, of course. That applies with all different kinds of power. Today I realized that I don't really enjoy embracing power as a thing of mine. I don't seek power. And I think that's what makes some people's walk with God a little different; stronger in some areas than other areas in their faith.
And I honestly think that it's my lack of desire for power that helps me trust in God and His ways more.

I don't know, for the past year I've felt a little down on myself for never wanting to be in control (and in some cases, yes, being in control is a good thing), but now I'm actually glad that I don't desire to be in control of everything. I don't desire power. I would rather the power be in the hands of someone Greater, someone who knows what they're doing and understands the power they're in control of.

I would much rather give all power to God than to embrace it for myself and risk damaging innocent lives. I care too much about the people around me to take such power that doesn't even belong to me. If God places a certain kind of power in my hands, I will gladly use it in the best way I possibly can; but after today, I realized I do NOT desire power, and now I can see why that could be a good thing.

I'm up for defending myself in any situation I have to, and I will accept to take control of what GOD hands me... but I will not seek something that isn't meant for me to posses. ; )

ANYWAY... Shooting was fun, but now I have a new adventure to go on in just hours ahead of me...
Disneyland! : D

The Black Light Dream

Last night I had an interesting dream. Pretty detailed too. I looked it up online to see what it might symbolize, and it seemed to match pretty well. One of the meanings it gave me was "vengeful feelings...".
All day today I couldn't stop thinking about my dream. I know I will never forget it. I kept wondering what the reason was for me having it.
Well, tonight at The Vine was pretty special, I think, because it talked about FORGIVENESS. Now I feel like my dream was a sign that I have this bitterness towards someone and I need to forgive that person for the reason I have that bitterness for them. (Did that make sense?)
God also reminded me that I HAVE TO KEEP PRAYING! Last night before I went to bed, I was really angry and told God I was done with praying (not in general but just for something specifically).
Well today He told me something interesting: I need to clean out my heart by forgiving someone and letting go of that bitterness, and then I have to keep praying. Those are the two hardest things for me to do right now, but He's right: my relationship with Him won't be right until I do.

But now I have a question: If you forgive someone, are you supposed to tell them you forgive them? Or do you just forgive them in your heart and move on? I really don't know what to do after I've "forgiven" them. I want to mean it if I say it, but I don't want to say it unless they actually care to hear it.

Whatever. I'm gonna go to sleep. I had a good laugh in my seat at The Vine tonight... thank you, God, for telling me things I didn't want to hear. ; )

Maybe tonight I'll have a better dream? Goodnight. : )