I've come to realize that things can change very easily, very fast. This is a terrifying thing to realize for a person who doesn't like change very much. People have talked to me a whole lot on different subjects and areas of life, but not a single word they've said has ever compared to what I've learned through experience.
There are just some things in life that you can't explain to people. Some things that you can't teach. For me, I know my "single" relationship status was very difficult. And as many times as my married friends tried explaining to me why I should I see it as a good thing and make good use of it; "enjoy this season of singleness" (to put into exact words)... it just didn't make sense to me. It sounded like Japanese to me. Not once did I skip off into a field full of flowers saying "Oh, okay! That makes so much more sense to me than all my loneliness and desire for a life-partner!". Nope. What made sense to ME at the time was my struggle whenever I would go to a wedding and watch all the couples dance while I sat alone. Or whenever I would go onto facebook and see all the Valentine balloons and roses people would post on their facebook that they got from their significant other... That difficulty was so much more real to me than any advice people could have given to me at the time.
That's all not to say that being single is a bad thing... but that was MY reality and experience through my singleness. So "enjoy your singleness" sounded like Japanese compared to the loneliness that I felt most of the time (to be completely honest). Now... God's timing in the way that things have happened in my relationship life is a completely different story. A story that most likely people won't understand... why? Because they haven't experienced it in the same way that I have.
But anyway, since Clemente and I began our relationship (officially, anyway...), I have learned a lot. Not about him (though I have), but about why I should have taken more advantage of the time that I had while I was single (for different reasons than I was taught actually). It just didn't make sense to me until I experienced the change for myself.
A lot of things in my life will continue to change. But no matter what changes around me or in me, one thing has always been there... my own, personal history with God. Something so special to me that I can't forget it. Emotionally, the past few months have been very difficult. I'm struggling with the same things that I have always struggled with, just in different ways now. But I have learned that no sin, no struggle, no hurt and no change can EVER erase the history God made with me a long time ago. To be completely honest, that keeps me going more than anything. People's words of encouragement mean nothing to me compared to the history that I have with God. That reminder of our history is what motivates me to keep pushing, to keep fighting, to keep going. No one on Earth has ever filled a need like the need I had for God 6 and a half years ago.
Today God is making history in my life once again. Only I don't see it as history yet... I see it as an experience that is waiting to be blessed by the light at the other end of the tunnel. And once I see that light, things will make more sense again. I can look back and remember how God lead me out. I'm at a point in my life where I know I've been through way too much with God to ever leave Him... just like He never left me. So change can come, but change can't forget the past. And sin might come, but sin can't keep God from changing me. History can be used for so much good... but you have to be willing to accept it. History can't be made without change... even if it's difficult. At least, that has been MY experience in life.
