Writing Problem...

I'm really disappointed that I don't blog as much anymore. I'm trying to get back into it though... I remember on myspace when I had control myself not to post MORE than one blog a day. Now I'm lucky if I'm able to post even ONE in a month! The frustrating thing is that I have a lot to say... all the time... but I'm afraid to put it into words where someone might read it. Honestly, a lot of the reason I don't post anymore is because I'm afraid of saying something that doesn't line up with Scripture. I really don't want to state my "opinions" because "opinions" are wayy too common these days. There's too many opnions and not enough Scripture. But if I write about Scripture, I want to make sure I understand the context and meaning of it first... something I've been learning for the past few months. To be honest I'm actually very paranoid about what I say... It's pretty ridiculous. I started my last blog at about 10:30 or 11:00 last night... didn't finish it till about 2:45am. It's not that it was a tough subject or that I couldn't think anymore; I'm just very careful about what I say and how I say it. I don't even know how many blogs I've started but haven't finished this year... they're all just sitting there saved as "drafts". The thing with words is that you can't take them back once you put them out there. That's why when I speak to people I'm either being the quiet one or the one who's taking forever to say something. Haha and I feel bad but that's also why I'll start to say something but change my mind and say "never mind...". Writing (even though I LOVE it) doesn't come easy to me anymore.

But even with all that said, that's still not the only reason I don't post anymore. A lot of it actually has to do with time. I'd be willing to sit at the computer every night for four hours until I'm able to post something, but I don't have that kind of time anymore. I'm out most of the day and by the time I come home I'm too tired to think.

And I'm aware that not a lot of (if even ANY) people probably read all my posts... and to be honest... I'm totally okay with that!

Now that I've said all that, whether there was a point to it or not... I have just tricked myself into posting another blog... which makes me one step closer to getting back into the habit! ; D

Prayback Not Payback! ; )

I've been learning a lot lately and I get the feeling I'm going to have to learn even harder things in the near future. The toughest thing for me to do right now is to have self control. Lately I've been tempted to react in a non-Christ-like way. But hey... I'm hanging in there! : )

But because of this I've been thinking about a lot. How DO we react to people who purposely try to push our buttons? My frustration is not being to do anything when someone else says harsh things either to me or about me. I can tell you that in the past I've handled it the way that I wanted to... and let me just say that it never worked out.

I have come to a conclusion that being a Christ-like, loving human being is the best "comeback" we can have as a Christian. What breaks people? Love brings down walls- hate drives people over the edge and provoke's them to do unreasonable things. Every time we act in a cruel or abusive way it changes us a little in a negative way. It only feeds our self-loving fire making it easier to do just a little more damage every time we are faced with a situation. So if we care even in the slightest about who we are as a human being, we would think twice before acting out in hate or frustration next time. But if we care even in the slightest about who we are as a Christian... ha... we should be doing even better than that. We should take it from a level of "not acting out in hate" and bring it up to "acting out in love". Which brings it around to this Scripture...

"You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles."

~Matthew 5:38-41

 

NOW WITH ALL THIS SAID... I know it's not easy. I can't count how many times I've messed up. After getting in the habit of doing what I wanted to do, it was hard for me to react in a Christian way the last time I was faced with a situation. But I held my tongue even if it brought me suffering... In fact, I've been biting my tongue for six months now so I'm pretty sure my tongue is bleeding by now. I've been begging God for justice. But on Tuesday I realized that the only thing I CAN do is be a Christian in the way I know how. If I can't act in love then I should at least be praying. So I started praying this week... lol... and no... I still don't feel any better... but I realized being a Christian isn't about how we "feel", it's about how we ACT. And when we pray, we have victory. 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

~Matthew 5:43-44

So my goal is to pray until something happens. : )

 

But anyway... have more but apparently 2:45 in the morning is a difficult time for me to think!