Martyrs

Words can't explain how sick and disgusted I feel right now. I just watched this horror movie by myself in my room, and I think it scarred me for life. All through the movie I was doing fine, it wasn't so "scary" after all. It was, however, pretty disturbing. The end was the worst though. That was what really got to me. A movie has never made me feel like this before. When the movie was over, I was still lying on my bed with the TV on and I seriously couldn't move. When I stood up, I was shaking and could barely walk right. I went in the bathroom cause I thought I was about to throw up. I think this movie was worse than any of the "Saw" movies I've watched. And it makes me even more sick to know that there's people in the world out there that actually come up with these ways to torture people. They don't just think of these twisted stories, but they actually put them in movies for stupid people like me to get sucked into and watch.
This world sickens me... And now I feel bad for encouraging such a twisted world by watching a movie it created. Blegh... I still feel sick and can't wait to return the stupid, disgusting movie to Blockbuster tomorrow. BLEGGHHH!

October 11th: The "Change My Life" Day

I just read what the weather's supposed to be like this week, and sadly, that was the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the past few days. It's apparently supposed to rain on Wednesday and Thursday! : D

Anyway...

I couldn't sleep last night. Not so much couldn't, but more just didn't feel like it. Yesterday around 1am I realized that I am where I was exactly one year ago today... and that is not a good thing.

At around 8pm tonight it will be exactly one year since I went on that camping trip that changed my life, and I am quite disappointed with where things have ended up since then. I feel like someone hit the "Recall" button on the remote and took me back to the same channel I thought I was leaving behind.
Now, October 10th, 2008 was when I got to the campsite; but October 11th was the night that actually changed my life. All it took was a little "bonfire testimony time" with a group of friends.
Since then the biggest thing I think I've learned was: Don't take your trust out of God and into someone else for even a second.
After that camping trip I felt I finally had a good grip on my trust in God to heal me, but the second I found an easier way to "heal" me, I put my trust in that instead.
The power of healing is not in us and is not in others; It's ALL in God. I spent a year trying to be healed MY way, yet I'm just as or even more broken now than I was before.

I don't mean for this to sound negative or to say "Don't trust people.", I just want this to be read as a warning to those who tend to put their trust in people more than they do in God.
I don't see any of this as a "punishment" for not trusting God to heal me this past year, I truly do just believe my "healing" didn't work out for me because only God is fully capable of healing me. He's not punishing me, He's just simply trying to get my attention and show me that He really does want the best for me, and that only HE can offer that.
Well, lesson learned, God. On October 11th this year I am going to start all over; just like I did last year on that night. But this time... I trust NO ONE but God to heal me from my past AND NOW this year's damage too.

Heal me, God,... I'm all Yours. : )

Rain, Rain Come Again!

Lol so on the night of September 21st, I had a dream that our first rain since all this summer heat was gonna be on October 4th (which was the day of our first rain last year too), and a couple days ago I went on the internet to check what the weather's gonna be like this week, and it says it's supposed to drizzle on Sunday morning... October 4th. : ) I hope my dream comes true! : D
Haha who knows if it's really gonna happen, but that would be awesome if it does. I don't remember what rain feels like... I hope to be awake when it happens.
Please rain!
: )