I don't have much time to post, but I was thinking about something.
I was just sitting in the car after talking to a friend on the phone, and it made me think about dating and relationships and stuff. I asked myself (early during the day too): What is love? How do you know you're "in love"? Can REALLY liking someone even though they don't like you the same way count as being "in love"? If so, then I guess you could say I've been in love before. But because it sounds so wrong to me, so unreal, then maybe it was never love. How would you know?
I never thought I'd say this, but when it comes to love, God's love is easier to understand. I have no questions when it comes to God's love. I'm actually able to recognize when I'm "in love" when it comes to God. Seems like the easiest and most filling love out there to me. But if it's so easy and filling, then why can't I enjoy it as much as I should?
Here's what I think: I think I'm looking for a "buy one get one free" deal. I guess I expect that just because I love God and He loves me, God will give me a guy to love who will also love me.
"God is all for love! Love, love, love! If I love God, God loves me, and I love this guy, then why wouldn't God let this guy love me too?"
That's my problem. I expect something from God that He never promised to me.
Maybe I will get married one day. Maybe I won't. Whatever God's plans are for me definitely require time. I don't know about anyone else, but when I want something to be at its best, I take my time on it. When I'm getting ready and want my hair to look its best, I'll take my time on it. When I'm writing in my journal and I want to be very detailed, I'll take my time on it. If you have the time, then why not take it and make something at its best? God has ALL the time in the UNIVERSE and everywhere we can't imagine... why would He rush His plans for you just because you "love" Him and think you deserve a relationship because of it?
I'm not telling this to anyone other than myself. I just need to realize that just because I have a relationship with God DOESN'T mean I deserve a relationship with a guy just because I want it.
I was completely happy and content with the love I had for God last November. I KNEW I was "in love" with God. I miss that love. The only time I was familiar with what being in love meant was when I had that love for God. And I remember it also being the HAPPIEST time...
I wanna be IN LOVE with God, and IN LOVE with His timing for the guy He might be preparing for me! I wanna be in love with God while I wait... not anxious.
I love Love. : )
