Silent Expressions

I wish I could write blogs like I used to, but my experiences with God have changed. As of right now, I'm not able to talk about much on how "God speaks", "God provides", "God loves", or to "Keep praying". No; this time my experiences have been rather different in a more faith-testing way.

I still believe that if you ask God to speak to you, He will. Or if you keep praying, He'll show through. Or if you give to God, He'll give back. He HAS done all of these things, and He HAS proven Himself to me many times that He is a faithful God to our needs, desires and prayers. And silly of me to think that these are the only ways God can teach me something. But He's shown me differently...
- Lately when I've been asking God to speak to me, or to use me, I hear nothing but silence the next day. When I pray hard on something, the thing I'm praying for only gets harder. But instead of all the usual loud reactions God always used to "spoil" me with, He reacts in silence.
Instead of words, He uses hints. I wish I could SO better explain this, or give an example of what I mean, but I can't. I'll try though.

Sometimes God's reactions to our needs or prayers aren't words or actions, sometimes they just take a simple face-expression as a hint of what He's trying to say. It almost feels like graduating to another level to test us on what we learned the previous level. I always feel God around, I know He's around, I know He's listening to me, I know He cares... the only difference is, I have to look past a familiar voice and count on a silent face-expression to let me know these things. I don't even know for how long my prayers have been nothing but:
-"God, speak to me please!"
"God, where were you today? I couldn't hear you!"

-"God, please hear my prayers!"
"God, nothing's been happening! Are you telling me to take a break from praying for this?"

I began to question if God was getting tired of me. I lost all energy for Him and didn't know what to do. After a while of feeling like this, I realized that my faith was based on the obvious things God was doing and saying, instead of the silent things God was doing and saying. He wasn't ignoring what faith I did have in Him, He was trying to bring out another faith I didn't have in Him. In order to strengthen one sense, you have to close another, right?
I sure couldn't hear God anymore, but He taught me how to read silence. He taught me how to read His lips and to learn that a smile didn't mean He was up to one of His invisible tests again... but that a smile meant He was with me through whatever test I was in.
His eyes weren't shut at me, they were sparkling with excitement for the plans He has for me.
My faith was in what I've seen God already do, not in what He can and will do.
Because He made me weak in one area, I was able to become stronger in another.

God's been silent for a long time now... but He sure hasn't been absent. His comfort and wisdom wasn't in His words this time, but in His face.

NOT ONLY did God strengthen my faith in Him through His silence, but He helped me strengthen my faith in myself. It was in His silence that I was able to hear myself. I was able to better understand what it is I truly desire and need. My voice became louder and I learned not to settle on every stupid choice I'm offered. Instead of expecting God to strike every harmful person that came near me, I just learned not to be stupid enough to put myself in those situations anymore.

I've learned way more than I can explain... and I can't wait to see what God does with all of this. Once again... even when He's quiet He comes through for us! : )


He showed me who He is in a whole new way...